Ugggghhh~

I just hate it when I come to this sudden decisions. 
At first I'm all okay but then as time goes by it'll get worst and worst T~T
I hate coming at this point in my life because it's either I'll be glad I've done it or I'll be in the end crying like a stupid freak.
I also hate it because I got tired crying and doing too much drama to my friends. I mean yeah they're my friends but I got tired of telling them things over and over they'll tell me what to do and there goes me ruining all their advice and shizz.
I feel so alone. I need someone over there clearly.
I just don't know who'll be the one to take that risk to ask me what's wrong that he or she wouldn't stop till I say all what I need to say.
 I need a friend more like a best friend who I'll be the most comfortable with.
Apparently that one person was whom I call my "Best Friend". 
Of course he's not my best friend I loved him more than anything in this world, For the first time I was afraid of losing someone.
I may know him for just quite a while but still it feels like I knew him since we were kids.
It just hurts that I had all the time in the world to make him stay but I chose to push him away and forced him to find someone better.
This is why I call my self "STUPID" because I had him, I pushed him and it's all different now.
God, I'm crying again! T~T
This is why I think I should be better alone forever.
No one deserves me. Well they deserve me as a friend but not as a better half or partner in life.
It may hurt but in this kind of way but in this way I'll never hurt anyone.
I'll only hurt my self. It's okay. It's me. I'm cool living with that constant pain.
I guess I'll say goodbye to those bittersweet memories.
I'll always remember the times we've spent and the moments we shared. 
I even lie to myself just to make it bearable.
Is this goodbye for good? I hope not. I hope you'll stick around not as the Boyfriend you said you'd be but as the Friend that will always be there.